It’s hard out there for a guy who just wants to connect with women he finds attractive. On the one hand, you’ve probably heard how women are sick of sleazy dudes approaching them out of nowhere. On the other hand though, you’re not sure how you’re supposed to get something going if you don’t approach women you like and give it your best shot, right?
The fact of the matter is there’s a world of difference between gentlemanly flirting and the type of behavior women are so tired of dealing with. The average woman really does want guys to approach her and engage in a little flirtation. However, she wants you to do it with grace and respect. Here I’ll go over how to flirt like an absolute champ and maximize your chances of getting the results you’re after. Take notes and revise your own flirting game accordingly!
1. Approach her with the right attitude
When it comes to approaching women, there are two really common mistakes a lot of guys make. Both have to do with how the guy in question responds to rejection. The first mistake is made most often by shy guys – being so afraid of rejection that they can barely get the words out when trying to talk to a beautiful woman. The second is made by over-confident guys – not being willing to take no for an answer because they feel entitled to a woman’s time and attention.
If you’re guilty of either of those attitudes, you’ll want to rethink things for sure. That woman you’re about to approach is her own person and it’s totally up to her whether or not she talks to you. It’s also not something to take personally if she’s just not feeling it for whatever reason. She could have any number of reasons for not being in the mood to chat just then. If you approach her politely and respectfully though, you stand the best possible chance of actually getting her to engage with you, and later on who knows … you could end up with a naughty mistress you could have crazy xxx chats with!
2. Make eye contact
There’s actually a really easy way to get a read on whether or not a woman is interested in interacting with you before you even approach her. Make eye contact and take note of what she does. Does she hold your gaze and smile or does she quickly look away? If she looks away or otherwise shows you she’s not interested, leave her be … but if she responds in a welcoming way, feel free to catch her eye again later on in the evening and eventually approach her.
Just understand that the line between appealing and creepy is actually pretty thin when it comes to eye contact. Don’t stare too long. Also, make sure you smile when your eyes do meet, to show you’ve got nothing but the best intentions.
3. Know how to smile in an appealing way
It’s imperative that you get your smiling game down pat if you want to be a hit with the ladies. While I’m definitely not saying you should come up with a fake smile to flash while flirting, I am saying a little practice in front of the mirror probably wouldn’t hurt.
There’s no one right way to smile. An appealing, attractive smile can be confident or shy, mysterious or goofy. The point is to figure out which one works best for you and to become comfortable using it to let your unique personality shine through. Women can spot a fake a mile away, so whatever type of smile you use, make sure it’s genuine.
4. Know how to open a conversation
Let’s say you’ve spotted an attractive woman somewhere and you’d really like to talk to her. Sooner or later, it will be time to stop catching her eye and actually approach her for a chat. Take a moment to think about how you’d do it. If it involves a weird strut or any sort of cheesy pick-up line, your game needs work.
The key to success here is not to make a big deal out of the whole thing. Just walk over to her like a normal human being. Discard whatever pick-up line you were going to use on her, no matter how witty you think it is, and simply say “Hello” instead. Remember, she’s a person. Just talk to her like one.
5. Be a good listener
Now that you’ve opened the door to an actual conversation, it’s time to make sure it’s a positive experience for everyone involved. Making great conversation isn’t just about saying the right things. It’s also about listening and showing active interest in what the other person is saying, especially if you’re a man trying to show a woman you’re actually worth her time.
That said, be careful of talking too much about yourself. Show interest in what she has to say, ask her questions, and pay attention to the answers. Then ask more questions and encourage her to build on what she’s already told you. She wants to talk to men that care who she is and what she’s about. Of course, you’ll want to answer her questions and respond when she shows interest in you as well, but make sure you’re not doing more than 50% of the talking overall.
6. Master the art of the subtle touch
Obviously, if everything’s going well, you’re going to want to touch this woman that’s got your attention … but should you? Actually yes, you totally should. You just need to do it in a way that’s respectful and appropriate. The key to success here is to be subtle and natural about it. You want to establish that physical connection, but not in a way that makes it look like that’s all that’s been on your mind.
Are you sitting side by side at a table or on a bench? Feel free to gently and naturally let your legs touch. Heavy emphasis on the “naturally”! Don’t make it look as if you’re trying to rub your leg against hers. Are you walking somewhere … anywhere? Gently take her arm or hand and lead the way across the room or the street. Is she wearing a really cool ring or piece of jewellery? Ask about it and subtly touch the item as you do so. You get the picture.
7. Give her your undivided attention
So now you’ve got this woman’s interest. You’re talking to her comfortably. Things really do seem to be going your way. You can actually feel yourself beginning to relax because the hard part you were worried about is over now. That’s great … but don’t relax to the point that you’re no longer continuing to show interest in this woman.
It’s not enough to keep talking to her and keep listening to her. You’ve got to stay fully engaged in what’s going on. Make eye contact with her when she talks. Continue to be present in the conversation and don’t interrupt. Fight the urge to become engrossed in something that’s on TV, or start people watching. Definitely don’t whip out your phone. You wanted to talk to her, so keep your attention where it belongs – on her.
8. Don’t be afraid to use humour
People love folks that can put them at ease and make them laugh, so it helps to know how to naturally insert humour into your flirts with women. As with everything we’ve talked about so far though, there’s a right way and a wrong way to go about things. Don’t act buffoonish or make a lot of really filthy sex jokes. Don’t force things either. Remember, you’re having a conversation, not performing a stand-up routine.
Just let things flow naturally and seize opportunities to show that side of yourself. So long as you aren’t dirty about it, slightly suggestive jokes are actually not only OK, but smart ways to lead the conversation in some interesting directions. They’re a way to be a little more forward than you would be able to be if you were playing things completely straight. Just be sure to use your best judgment and keep things on the mild side.
9. Open the door to future interactions
Even great impromptu conversations can end suddenly, so it’s a good idea to identify some common ground the two of you have early on. That way you can be prepared to use it later if one or both of you have to leave or otherwise end your interaction before you’re ready.
Let’s say your common ground was music or a mutual love of art. Invite her to an upcoming event you’d both be interested in (i.e. a local concert or an upcoming exhibition). Maybe you spent some time talking about a book you both really liked or bonded over your mutual love of Game of Thrones. Tell her you’d like to talk about it some more sometime.
Then ask for her number so you can get in touch. Take the lead when it comes to following up and making those plans as well. That’s it! How you handle things from there is up to you.