Sex – you love it. You crave it. If you’re like a lot of people, you probably almost always feel like you could stand to have more of it. This is the case even if you’re in a relationship and theoretically have non-stop access to all the sex you want. Issues like conflicting schedules, varying energy levels and differing libidos can easily make a person wonder whether or not they’re getting as much sex as they should be.
But how much sex is ‘enough’? How can you know for sure whether or not you and your partner are ‘normal’ in this regard? Most importantly of all, what should you do if it turns out you really aren’t getting enough sex? Here I’ll take a closer look at the answers to all these questions and more.
How Much Sex Should You Be Having?
Just as every person is different, so is every relationship. That said, there isn’t a specific amount of sex you should be having so much as there are norms you may or may not measure up to. Barring some extenuating circumstance like a chronic health issue or an insane work schedule for one or both parties, most relatively happy couples have sex 2-3 times a week. However, a lot of couples also have sex more or less often than that. It certainly wouldn’t be unheard of for a busy couple that lives a full life to maybe only have sex once a week or so.
Of course, there are theories out there about how much sex is ideal, as many experts feel sex accounts for maybe a quarter of the total satisfaction in a given relationship. Generally speaking, the more sex a couple has, the happier they’re likely to be. Lots of therapists consider daily sex to be the Holy Grail when it comes to frequency for that reason, but at the end of the day the ‘right’ amount for a given couple is going to involve however much sex keeps both parties satisfied.
7 Signs You Might Need to Get Laid More Often
Of course, the operative word here is ‘both’. What seems like a perfectly fine amount of nookie for one partner could easily leave the other feeling sexually frustrated. The following are just a few signs that you’re actually not exaggerating when you tell your fuck partner you totally need more sex in your life.
1. You’re not as smiley as you should be
If you’re in a healthy relationship, you should feel on top of the world more often than not, but that happy feeling is harder to hold onto when you’re sexually frustrated. Although there are lots of ways to up your body’s feel-good endorphin levels (like exercise), sex is perhaps one of the most effective. When you’re not getting enough, it’s definitely not uncommon to feel sad or down for no discernible reason no matter how great your relationship is otherwise.
2. You’re not as well-groomed as you used to be
Whatever your intimate grooming habits may or may not be, it goes without saying that they’re top priority when you’re getting laid on the regular, for obvious reasons. If you’ve caught yourself skipping your usual landscaping regimen more and more often, it could definitely be because you feel the chances of anyone actually noticing are slimmer than you’d like.
3. You’re picking fights with your partner
All couples fight, even the deliriously happy ones. However, there’s usually a balance as far as who the instigator is. If you’ve noticed that you’re feeling peeved with your partner more often than not, often to the point of actually picking fights, there might be a good reason. A lack of sex can make men and women alike crankier and more irritable.
4. You haven’t been feeling as confident lately
You know how you feel when you’re getting plenty of good quality sex. You feel like a total dynamo and not just in the bedroom. You’re more outgoing in general. You take more risks. You’re definitely more of a go-getter at work. However, when you’re not having enough sex (or the sex you are having isn’t very good), the opposite is true. If you’ve been feeling a little behind the eight ball in the confidence department, more quality time in the sack might be a good idea.
5. You’ve been thinking a lot about other people
Have you been having unusually fond thoughts of your crazy ex, solely because they couldn’t seem to get enough sex when you were together? Do you often catch yourself wondering what it would be like to sleep with someone other than your partner? That’s definitely a sign that something’s off with your relationship in the sex department and needs to be addressed ASAP.
6. You feel aggressive toward just about everyone
When you’re not getting enough sex, it’s not unusual to feel like you have a lot of pent-up energy to deal with. That can make some people feel really aggressive for no real reason. If you’ve been catching yourself fantasizing about punching every irritating person you meet over the course of the day square in the face, you might need a little more sex in your life.
7. There just seems to be something missing
Once upon a time your relationship was nothing short of a dream come true. Both of you felt positively high when you were around each other. Don’t even get us started on how hard it was to keep your hands off each other! While it’s natural for your sex life to taper off a little bit after you’ve been in a relationship a while, it shouldn’t disappear altogether. That said, if something’s just missing and you think that ‘something’ is sex, you’re probably right.
So What Now?
Let’s say you’ve reached the point where you no longer suspect you’re not getting enough sex. You know it. That’s the point where you need to decide what you’re going to do about it. Of course, you can always decide to simply do nothing and live with it, but I personally think it would be a lot better to fix the situation and seize the happiness you know you deserve. The following are just a few suggestions for doing exactly that.
1. Talk to your partner
It sounds like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how many people don’t even think to just talk to their partner about the problem. There’s a chance yours doesn’t even realize the lack of frequent sex in your relationship is an issue for you, and they never will unless you tell them and attempt to ask for what you need.
2. Improve the overall quality of your relationship
Many relationship experts and therapists see a couple’s sex life as a barometer for the rest of the relationship. That said, sometimes a waning sex life that’s unsatisfying for one or both partners is a symptom of other issues. If you think that might be a possibility, start looking for ways to reconnect with your partner and deepen your relationship in general. The issues with your sex life might resolve on their own after a while.
3. Make up the difference on your own
How serious is the lack of sex in your relationship? Is it so critical you find yourself dealing with road rage and lots of angry, aggressive feelings in general, or is it pretty good overall and you just want a little more of it? If it’s the latter, consider looking for ways to make your solo time more fun. Treat yourself to a spiffy new sex toy, or explore a new type of porn you’ve always been curious about.
4. Spice things up
Sometimes things just get a little too routine in the bedroom, especially when you’ve been together a while. If that’s the case for you and your partner, a little spicing up might be just the ticket for jumpstarting your sex life. Try something new to break you out of your routine. Pick out a new sex toy together. Try a new position. Have naughty sex in public. Treat yourselves to a romantic weekend away. Go hog wild and have that threesome you’ve been joking about for years. Anything goes!
5. Consider opening up your relationship
Naturally, an open relationship isn’t the right fit for every couple, but for some it’s the perfect solution when one partner has a significantly higher sex drive and the other isn’t the jealous type. How ‘open’ you make your relationship is up to the two of you. It can be as minor and innocent as a little cybersex on the side or as open as both parties having full-blown relationships in addition to their primary one.
At the end of the day, sex is a basic human need and a fulfilling sex life is something that’s really too good to miss out on. It’s definitely well worth making a few changes and sacrifices for. Explore the possibilities today!