Stop what you’re doing and take a moment to visualize the ideal dating situation for you. Does it involve loads of hot, mind-blowing sex without the usual strings attached? Are you interested in connecting with someone that makes your toes curl, but that still leaves you wide open to try as many other people on for size as you like? If so, a sex buddy situation is exactly what you’re looking for.
Even so, knowing you’re ready to see what all the fuss is about and find yourself an awesome friends-with-benefits situation is one thing. Actually succeeding is another. After all, there are lots of ways to do FWB wrong. Here I’ll go over some of the best ways to make sure you do it right.
The Buddy System: Who to Consider
You know what a FWB connection looks like. You know you want one. You probably even know more than one friend that has a good one going. What’s not always clear is where and how those relationships actually start. It actually varies a lot from one situation to another.
In a lot of cases, the whole sex buddy thing just happens, often with someone you like and think is crazy hot, but that you don’t have a super strong emotional connection to already. The following are some good examples.
Old School Friend
Ever reconnect with someone you used to know in high school or college over social media and find yourself thinking: “I seriously wouldn’t mind tapping that”? Go ahead and get your flirt on sometime. See if she feels the same way about you and take things from there.
Smokin’ Hot Waitress
You know the one – that waitress, or hostess, or bartender with the great ass and the epic tits that gives you “the look” every single time you come in for a drink. The one that not only won’t stop flirting with you, but that’s actually a pretty good conversationalist. Why not kick things up a notch and see if she’s sex buddy material?
Hot, carefree friends of friends often make good sex buddies as well. Think fun acquaintances that you constantly run into at parties and get-togethers! You always have fun hanging together when you cross paths and you’ve definitely picked up on a little chemistry between the two of you. People like these make awesome FWB. You know you like each other, but you don’t have this deep, meaningful friendship that you’ll screw up if things don’t go well.
Hook-ups can transition into amazing sex buddies as well. It can definitely happen with a one-night stand that was better than average. If you’re into cybersex or adult hook-up dating online, you can meet some seriously sexy people to form sex buddy relationships that way as well. In fact, that’s an ideal way to find good candidates if you don’t already have someone in mind.
No matter who you eventually choose to explore the possibilities with, make sure you’re up front and honest about what you are and aren’t looking for. Good FWB relationships are open, breezy, and 100% drama free right from the get-go. They don’t leave any room for misunderstanding later on down the line.
The Golden Rules of FWB Relationships
If you’re like a lot of people, part of the reason you want a FWB relationship in the first place is the way rules leave a bad taste in your mouth when it comes to love. However, clear boundaries that are set right in the beginning are actually the best way to make sure your connection stays just the way you like it – hot, fun, and string-free. The following are a few tips you’ll definitely want to keep in mind.
Decide you don’t “do” romance
Don’t make the mistake of adding romance to the equation when it comes to your FWB. It’s one of the easiest ways to start blurring the lines and confusing the other person as to your intentions. If you want to simply be friends that get it on once in a while, then act like a friend, not a romantic partner. No candlelit dinners, no dates, no cute little gifts, and no tender gestures that are easy to misconstrue!
Be nice to the person though
On the other hand, you don’t want to swing too far in the other direction and treat the person like dirt. Friends respect one another. They’re polite and they’re considerate. After all, the last thing you want to do is make a really cool girl feel used, cheap, and dirty.
Keep it nice and simple
Light-heartedness is the name of the game when you’re hanging out with your sex buddy, so keep your connection as simple as possible. Don’t let yourself spend too much of your own free time wondering what they’re up to or ruminating on your own feelings. Leave your relationship at the front door when you go home after sex.
Don’t act desperate
Let’s say you’re horny and down to get dirty on a Friday night at home, so you text your FWB and ask her if she wants to come over. If she doesn’t feel like it, just leave it at that. Don’t beg. Don’t plead. Just find something else to do. Better yet, hit the club or log onto your favorite adult chat site and find someone else to hook up with for the night. Part of the point of being a FWB is you still get to explore other options when and if you feel like it.
Be super honest
Remember what I said above about not leaving any room for misunderstanding? Yes, it’s important to be really clear about what your relationship is and isn’t when you first become sex buddies, but that honesty needs to continue into the future as well. Bluntly tell her that yes, you’re sleeping with other people if she happens to ask. If you’re just not feeling the situation anymore and want to end it, tell her so outright and encourage her to do the same.
Don’t get together too often
When you have a really smoking hot connection with someone in particular, you’ll be tempted to get together all the time. You should definitely resist the urge though. Otherwise, you risk falling into a routine and letting things get stale. Try limiting your getting laid sessions to once every week or two at the most.
Keep things safe and smart
It should go without saying, but definitely have safe sex with your FWB. This is especially important if you’re seeing a lot of different people (or if they are). It’s not just about avoiding pregnancy either. You want to keep STDs out of the equation as well.
Let things stay between the two of you
You’ll be tempted to tell your friends about your sex buddy for sure, especially if she’s anywhere near as hot in bed as you hope she’s going to be. Again, resist that temptation. Sex buddy relationships work best when they stay just between the two people involved. There’s no reason to tell the whole world the two of you are getting it on. Plus, sometimes it’s fun to have a naughty little secret you get to keep all to yourself.
Go the extra mile in bed
A friends with benefits relationship is pretty much all about earth-shattering sex, so make sure that’s where you’re channeling most of your effort. Keep yourself in shape and stay smoking hot for this person. Really put in the effort to blow her mind in bed. Be adventurous. Try new things. Bring toys into the bedroom if you’re both into that. Definitely make sure she has as many mind-blowing orgasms as she could possibly want.
Understand that it will end at some point
Sex buddy relationships aren’t just casual and no-strings-attached. They’re also transitory almost by definition. In fact, most FWB connections just fizzle out gradually or fade away over time. That’s normal, so just relax and let it happen if you feel like things are going that way. Be prepared to gracefully let things go at a moment’s notice if one or both of you decide to end it for other reasons as well.
If feelings develop, end it
Sometimes despite your best efforts to keep things casual, one person in a FWB relationship develops feelings for the other. If you feel that happening to you, tell her immediately and break things off. Encourage her to do the same if it happens on her end. It’s not fair to either person to try to keep things going after one person develops other feelings. People often think they can handle it only to have things get hurtful and messy down the line. Don’t risk it!
At the end of the day, a sex buddy connection brings a lot to the table to get excited about. The key to landing a good one is to know what to look for and how to maintain it once you’ve found it. You can let the rest come naturally!