If you secretly (or maybe not so secretly) like to engage in a little dirty texting from time to time, you’re far from alone. According to a recent survey, close to 40% of all people sext on the regular. This isn’t just something that appeals to men either. Women sext just as often as men do and not just because they want to please their partners. They genuinely enjoy it for what it is to the same extent.
However, knowing that nothing satisfies quite like a super-steamy sexting session is one thing. Developing the stellar sexting skills you long for is another. Here I’ll go over some must-know tips for sending sexts that are pretty much guaranteed to make the impression you’re hoping for and leave them gasping for more.
1. Know your audience
Although every person is different, men and women enjoy hearing different things when it comes to sexting and/or cybersex. Don’t make the mistake of assuming that the other person wants to hear exactly what you would if it were you, especially if you’re texting someone of the opposite sex. Take a second to consider your audience.
If you’re a man, avoid being too crass (unless you know the recipient well enough to also know she’s into it). The key is to be sexual without being offensive, so avoid too much graphic detail about the raw plumbing of it all. If you’re not sure where or how to start, check out a romance novel sometime and you’ll have a great idea of the kind of language that turns women on.
Horny women should be fearless and not shy away from using crude terms. That hot guy you’re sexting doesn’t want to hear about how often you think of having his penis in your mouth. He wants to be told you want to suck his cock until he comes.
2. Pay attention to your typing
Naturally, the last thing on your mind when you’re all revved up and raring to sext is your grammar; but you want to be mindful of it anyway. Yes, you’re sexting, not preparing an essay for your English teacher, but spelling and grammar still count. Too much text speak or too many bonehead grammar mistakes can really do a number on the libido.
One or two accidental typos won’t kill you, but definitely make sure your texts are easy to understand and don’t contain any really crazy spelling errors before you hit ‘send’. No one wants to be left squinting at their phone in the middle of a hot session because they have no clue what you were even trying to say.
3. Don’t be afraid to go into detail
The key to killer sexts that leave the other person thinking about you for days to come is detail. Sexting has a lot in common with a good novel that way. The reader isn’t actually there with a novelist’s characters. They can’t see, feel, or hear anything that’s supposed to be going on, so it’s up to that novelist to paint them a vivid picture that makes them forget that simple fact. The same philosophy applies to awesome sexts.
Don’t just tell someone you want to do them. Draw it out a little and definitely go into detail. Tell them where you’re going to kiss them and how you’re going to touch them. Tell them in detail all about how you want to tease them a little with your fingers or tongue before you get right down to it. Don’t be afraid to get a little creative.
4. Go easy on the emoticons
Unless you’re in the middle of a conversation that’s actually supposed to be funny or silly, you’ll want to use emoticons sparingly (if at all). Too many can come across as juvenile or immature in all the wrong ways, especially once you’ve really gotten down to business and are engaged in a pretty intense session.
At that point, you don’t need to include your usual wink-face emoticon to make sure the other person gets that you’re being flirty or cheeky. Use your words and make sure you’re detailed enough that no clarification is necessary.
5. Go easy on the questions, too
If you’re a little shy or newer to sexting, it might be tempting to let the other person do all the talking, so watch yourself in that area. Asking the other person some questions about what they’d like you to do to them or what they’re doing now is fine. Bombarding them with so many questions they wind up doing most of the talking? Not so fine.
Great sexting sessions are all about give and take, so make sure you’re doing your part. Say a few naughty things. Then let them say a few more back. Otherwise your sext partner will be so busy typing they won’t be able to help themselves along in other departments, if you catch my drift.
6. Know that lying is totally OK
We’re all told from the time we’re little children that honesty is the best policy. In most situations, it’s probably even true, but a sexting session isn’t one of them. Sexting is all about letting your imagination run wild and giving your fantasies a chance to come out to play for a while.
Let’s say you’re lounging around in a torn t-shirt and a pair of old sweats. Your sexting partner doesn’t need or want to hear that when they ask you what you’re wearing, so don’t say it. You’re perfectly within your rights to say you’re completely naked or dressed in something sultry instead. Trust me when I say the other person doesn’t care whether or not it’s the truth. They just care that it sounds hot.
7. Don’t drink and sext
Or at the very least, don’t sext after you’ve had so many drinks you’re practically brain dead. The drunker you get, the closer you get to that state where you’re only able to focus on managing your basic bodily functions and that’s seriously bad for your sexting game. It’s definitely not a good look on you when you’re trying to be creative.
Plus, being way too drunk for life increases the risk of saying something you’ll regret later (or saying it to the wrong person). It increases your chances of accidentally sending a really graphic text to your grandmother or your boss as well.
8. Use visual aids wisely
It doesn’t matter whether your favorite sexting partner is male or female. Everyone appreciates a really juicy visual aid. However, there’s definitely a fine art to taking and sending them. To begin with, make sure the visual aid would actually be wanted or appreciated. Don’t try to open a sexting session by firing off a random dick pic, for instance. Ask her if she wants to see what she did to you after things have gotten intense and send a picture of your rock hard cock then.
You’ll also want to cover your ass as far as any possible misuse of pictures you send. Keep your face out of the picture altogether, even if you’re sending it to someone you know really well and trust implicitly. Things like sexy pics have a way of coming back to haunt you, so it pays to be careful.
9. Start off slow
Good sexting has a lot more in common with good sex than you might otherwise think. It’s best when you take your time and work up to things a little. Unless you know your sexting partner super well, it’s best not to try to hit the ground running with an X-rated picture or a graphic description of what you want to do to the person’s pussy or cock later on.
With new or unfamiliar partners, always start slow. If you know them, start by mentioning you’ve been thinking about them or saying you miss them. Then gradually lead the conversation around to where you want it. Start out flirty at first and let things get sexier the longer you chat.
10. It’s OK if you’re not that creative
If you’re totally blessed in the creativity department and are good at coming up with wild fantasy scenarios to share when you sext, that’s great. You shouldn’t worry too much about it if you’re not though. If you’re sexting someone you’ve actually had sex with, try reliving the last time the two of you did it, preferably in detail.
Ask your partner if they remember how turned on they were or how hard they came. Tell them you want to do that to them again and take it from there. If you’re not sexting someone you’ve actually been with sexually, feel free to draw inspiration from other past experiences or even from porn.
At the end of the day, sexting isn’t rocket science. However, there is an art to it, as well as a learning curve. Just play things by ear, take it slow, and play off of cues from your partner. You’ll be the sexting ace you’ve always wanted to be in no time!